This Darkness Mine by Mindy McGinnis

Author:Mindy McGinnis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2017-08-03T04:00:00+00:00

twenty

I. Things I Know

A. 30 percent of dilated cardiomyopathy patients inherited their disease from a parent.

B. Mine came from Dad.

1. He didn’t know he had it, and only found out after both he and Mom were tested to determine the origin of mine. Now Mom has two silver linings to be thankful for.

2. He’d been ignoring his own symptoms for years, attributing them to stress and not wanting to upset Mom.

3. His isn’t as bad as mine and will be treated with a pacemaker.

II. Things I Don’t Know

A. How many silver linings it takes to bring the whole cloud crashing down

I wait until Mom and Dad are gone to plug in my laptop, it being the consolation prize for learning I won’t be going home. As promised, they’d taken all the internet browsers off it, but they don’t know the first thing about messaging services. I pull up the one I use most often, weighing the pros and cons about who I should reach out to. I choose Brooke, because she’s online at the moment, and settle for something simple to announce my continued presence among the living.

Hey.

Holy shit that really u Sasha?

Really me. Still in the hospital.

I won’t ask if ur ok b/c I know ur not but I am so so so sorry about what we said. U don’t even know.

I didn’t throw myself out the window because of my friends, but if Brooke wants to keep apologizing for it, I’m going to let her. I take a pic of my busted face with the webcam, closing my eyes. I send it to her without a caption.

FUCK

I rest my fingers for a little bit so that she can stare at what’s left of me before I let her off the hook.

You would love it here. Lots of stitches and open wounds.

Ha ha. Really Sash we’re so sorry, we set up a thing at school and people have been giving money.

I glance at the cardiac center pamphlet. It’s going to take more than a bunch of kids giving up their lunch change to even make a dent in that bill, insurance or not.

Isaac stopped me in the hall and gave me some money and it smelled like cigarettes and is probably from drugs but whatever. I washed it and put it in the jar.

Isaac’s name in black and white sends a jolt through my system, a tiny stutter on my heart monitor.

That’s nice of you. Thanks.

Np. I feel really bad.

Not your fault.

Can I call u?

Don’t have my phone.

When are you coming home?

My heart stumbles through another beat, not liking the answer any more than I do.

I’m not. I have to go to live in this cardiac center where they can keep an eye on me until a transplant becomes available.

That’s how the doctor had put it to me when we talked earlier, after Mom and Dad broke the news to me about my new living arrangements. Transplanted hearts don’t come into use because of a traumatic accident that ended someone else’s life; they become available, like a hotel room when someone else checks out.

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